A story is told of a mother who upon seeing a childless
union between her son and his wife, made a pilgrimage to the village to seek
the advice of the elders, and most importantly, the gods. When she came back to
the city, she chaperoned a naïve village virgin- a gift for her son because the
gods had spoken. Her madness was just starting; she locked the two in her son’s
bedroom and demanded that they sire forth a child immediately. That is if they
wanted her to unlock the door. She went ahead to broadcast her ‘thoughtfulness
and wittiness’ to the unsuspecting poor wife who did not thank her like she
anticipated because she was just trying to help.
Mothers –in – law are ‘special’ beings. They always think
the worst of their children’s spouses. They love to meddle with the intention
of fixing things in a marriage that is not even theirs because they believe
they are wise beyond their years. When she makes that infamous journey to your
matrimonial home, balancing a bag of potatoes and yams on her head she will promise
to stay only for a few days. Unless she receives an urgent call that the neighbour’s goats have invaded her shamba, consider yourself DOOMED. She
will make your life impossible the best way she can, unapologetically of
course.
She will take over your roles in a heartbeat, arguing
that she can take care of her son better than you ever will because mothers
know best. God forbid if you were to complain, she will rant on and on about
how disrespectful you are to the woman who carried your husband in her womb for
9 months. This is an old trick that mothers use to transfer guilt. She will
even complain that Angela (the woman she wishes her son had married) treats her
better than you do and rub it on your face that Angela would have made a better
wife.
Married men have equally bad experiences with their
mothers-in-law. Aren’t you the same man who ‘deflowered’ her little gal? She
will phone you when you are in an important meeting demanding a detailed
explanation why you argued with her daughter, why you hired a younger house
help, why you came home late and all that crazy stuff you do to make her
daughter’s life a living hell. She will threaten to take back her daughter if
you do not change your wayward ways.
Over meddling mothers-in-law are like taxes, they breathe
down your neck and trying to evade them will get you into serious trouble so
you just have to live with them.
