Passion, Pain and Pleasure

She loves me, she loves me not…He loves me, he loves me not… don’t we all wonder at the uncertainty of this thing called LOVE...

Listening to Cheaptrick’s I want you to want me; one cannot help but wonder how sad, miserable and desperate love can be. Men by nature are perceived to be strong in character and emotions. Their expression of emotions is supposedly limited to only ‘men stuff’ like when their favourite team loses a football match. This is the time that you will see them pummel their chests in sheer frustration, akin to an untamed angry gorilla. But the ugly truth is love can drive even the strongest of men to their knees.

Forget the soap opera nonsense, where perfect love is built on a virtual world as the leading man tries to conquer his beautiful damsel in distress. A friend of mine once said that soap operas are for disillusioned souls who dare to dream of a perfect love that is non-existent. Fairy tales like The Cinderella Story are no different. These are for naïve teenagers with wild imaginations who keep hoping that a prince will one day move into the empty house next door and save them from their ‘evil mothers’ or their ‘miserable lives.’ Love in the real world does not have a “and they lived happily ever after” ending as two lovers drive off into the sunset on a white chariot. It is as complex as rocket science. Love remains unsolved, complicated and enigmatic.

I come from a country that boasts of a handsomely huge coffee production.  So I often enjoy sitting at the corner table in the campus cafeteria as I slowly sip my hot coffee and marvel at the richness of this Kenyan beverage. Many times I see students stream into the cafeteria, a number of them often in pairs, and their arms intertwined as they giggle and whisper words of love into each other’s ears. Anyone who plays an audience to such lovey-dovey quickly buys into the idea that the subjects in question are definitely in love. They can even go as far as being labelled ‘Couple of the semester’, albeit silently and grudgingly by fellow students. This is what I like to call ‘love’s grace period.’ 

Shakespeare’s famous tragedy Romeo and Juliet tells a tale of love at its best and worst moments. Romeo was insanely in love with Juliet, look how they ended up. Romeo poisons himself, after killing Paris, and Juliet sticks a dagger right through her heart. Three dead bodies in Verona in a day; even the coffin maker couldn’t be that lucky! All in the name of love! For a man whose most writings are always heralding love, Shakespeare has proven more than once (Antony and Cleopatra) that love is limitless, dangerous and often painfully desperate.

Jerry, a friend of mine thinks love is overrated. He would rather just sit back and enjoy a love-free life, drinking ice cold beer and dancing to Usher’s Dj got us falling in love (notice the irony) till he drops. Jerry is highly convinced that Valentine’s Day was invented by economists who wanted to milk individuals dry of their hard earned money as they purchase expensive gifts for their loved ones. This (buying gifts) is a Valentine Day ritual you can never ignore unless you have become resistant to constant nagging. He calls those who put love on a pedestal the damned souls of the free world. I am often amazed at Jerry’s expertise at getting girls and actually keeping them.

However desperate, do not get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing. To be in love is to love someone with all your heart, without holding back. It opens you to an exciting world of passion and pleasure. Nothing can ever surpass the rapture of emotions within you at that moment. To deny your heart the pleasure of love is cruel, but to love not be loved back is a fate more cruel. Some are lucky in love; they get what their hearts desire, but some never do. They just look from a distance with absolute melancholy at what they have always wanted but can never have. In short, love is like a three course meal, there are those who enjoy the appetizer (the pleasure), others eat the entrée (the passion), and others are left with nothing but the dessert (the pain). It often helps to have Cheaptrick’s CD somewhere among your huge collection of music because in a world where love still remains elusive and invincible, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely, sad and desperate. Whoever came up with the phrase “the desperate kingdom of love” got it right.